Lois! After a few months in this “Argentina” place, I think I finally have a few good recommendations for when you and Stan finally get your ass down here.
1. Buy fewer things. I know this sounds dumb, but it’s true! For example, instead of just buying your plasma TV down here, you can bring it down! Apparently, some of the ‘taxes’ for outside things are a little high. I think it might have something with gas prices and pay for pilots. Photo credit: a group of angels.
So a PowerBook will set you back $6,000 pesos! Which is $2,000!! (And apparently if you’re making pesos, it feels like $6,000. Go figure.)
2. Ignore the real price what you’re really paying. Just focus on that whole ‘I can divide by three!’ bit and you’ll be okay. Just keep telling yourself: it’s a third cheaper than in the states! Don’t look at the 11 peso price tag on your brick of mozzarella. Actually paying attention to the shocking inflation–and imagining what your life would be like if you made pesos–isn’t going to help anyone. I mean, what you can do?
An example of how the party can keep going, ad infinitum. Photo credit: God.
4. Make your money in a currency that’s not pesos.
5. Stay home. Have someone read this to you, and close your eyes. Envision a mythical place inhabited by Borges where everyone dances tango, maté, and malbec called “Buenos Aires.” People are good looking, and the water goes down the other way when you flush the toilet. I think it’s counterclockwise. July is actually summer. Open your eyes.
Dare I even tell you, Lois, how this country of maids and old people speaking Mexican treats tourists sometimes?? We give them puppies and love, and they give us puppies, love, and stencil art depicting impromptu anal sex! It’s outrageous!!
It’s almost enough to make me want to put my super-chic $450,000 penthouse in Palermo back on the market! But of course, we all know I’m not going to anytime soon. I mean, where else can I hire college-educated Mexicans to raise my kids for $4 a day!?! God bless countries that have done the unthinkable–screwed up more than the United States so that the dollar is still worth something!
They could at least give us some protection on the sign! Though it’s more likely the world will end before we get what we really need: protection from ourselves.
Gladys! It was on water–the fire was on the water! You should have seen it. Photo credit: some dude with a camera.
If there’s one thing this country can do right, it’s fire. They’re still messing up on making the Mai Tais just the way I like, and their way of speaking Mexican ain’t nothing like that J-Lo album. (And if anyone would know how to speak Mexican, it would be her!!!) So there’s obviously some sort of illiteracy epidemic going around. Also: poverty.
Personally, I don’t know about you, but when I’m in a place for an extended period of time and on “vacation,” I don’t want to think twice about the “realities” of the “world.” I just want to eat Cheetos and get my nails done. Luckily for the country, the dollar still buys you a thing or two here… if not, with all of these poor people yapping about inflation, I’d just have to leave! I mean, tourists are like gods: they descend upon countries, sprinkling money like confetti. They’re not taking up lots of jobs. And if you’ll just look at how many people were gainfully employed during the Olympic torch relay, when it did what the kids call “hitting the streets,” you’ll see that there are plenty of jobs to go around here.
Photo credit: dude with a camera.
And then later, when I went home, I found a nice, juicy Latin man in my bathroom!!!!! And they say people who do good to the world are the only ones who get good shit outta life? Ha!
Do I seriously need to tell you yet again that life is good? If you don’t believe me, just check in your bathroom. If it’s anything like mine, there’ll be a Latin man inside–and the “Olympic torch” will find time to “make a delivery” to your “neck of the woods.” Afterwards, you will both “have flan” and possibly “empanadas” and find time to listen to music. And life will rock on.
There are many things people tell you that you should and shouldn’t do with limited time. If you’re an expat like I am, you want to live like a vacation and do it all. And although you can’t, the fact is that you should never give up doing what you love.
Miss Cybil’s a little behind in her blogging–but she’s not a little behind in her drinking!
Two motherfuckers got in my way right as I snapped this bad-ass picture. Photo credit: someone with a camera.
To combat the existential dread that inevitably comes with feeling that your life is spiraling out of control, Miss Cybil has a few things that make her feel better.
