My country isn’t racist! Just look at our president

Hey Lois!!!
Can you believe it? So I was watching the fútbol game the other day with Ricardo, my latest Latin Lover, and some dipshit bartender accidentally changed the channel for a second. Apparently, the U.S. just elected a new president–and he’s black!!!

Did I mention that hot black guys in the Oval Office make me hot for democracy?

So, you know how whenever people have a black friend, they use that as a ‘I am not racist!’ get out of jail free card? You almost wonder if the whole country is going to do something like that. But you know what? Whatever. He’s easy on the eyes. (I have no idea what he was saying because, when he started speaking, Ricardo’s Mexican maid showed up and brought her damn kids, who he kept calling ‘mis hijos! mis queridos!’ Who knows what that means!?)

I don’t know much about this guy except for two things: One, he reminds me that there aren’t many black guys in Buenos Aires, and Miss Cybil likes a little chocolate on, well, everything.

Two: Even though I didn’t vote and had no idea that there was an election going on, it’s nice that I finally have this proof that I’m not racist! I mean, how can I be–my president is black!!

Buenos Aires on the cheap!

Lois! After a few months in this “Argentina” place, I think I finally have a few good recommendations for when you and Stan finally get your ass down here.

1. Buy fewer things. I know this sounds dumb, but it’s true! For example, instead of just buying your plasma TV down here, you can bring it down! Apparently, some of the ‘taxes’ for outside things are a little high. I think it might have something with gas prices and pay for pilots.
Photo credit: a group of angels.

So a PowerBook will set you back $6,000 pesos! Which is $2,000!! (And apparently if you’re making pesos, it feels like $6,000. Go figure.)

2. Ignore the real price what you’re really paying. Just focus on that whole ‘I can divide by three!’ bit and you’ll be okay. Just keep telling yourself: it’s a third cheaper than in the states! Don’t look at the 11 peso price tag on your brick of mozzarella. Actually paying attention to the shocking inflation–and imagining what your life would be like if you made pesos–isn’t going to help anyone. I mean, what you can do?

3. Stay with a new friend! Making new friends online is also a great way to ensure that the party never stops.

An example of how the party can keep going, ad infinitum. Photo credit: God.

4. Make your money in a currency that’s not pesos.

5. Stay home. Have someone read this to you, and close your eyes. Envision a mythical place inhabited by Borges where everyone dances tango, maté, and malbec called “Buenos Aires.” People are good looking, and the water goes down the other way when you flush the toilet. I think it’s counterclockwise. July is actually summer. Open your eyes.

Cheap way to travel, eh??

Isle of Novio

Sometimes, it’s good to get away every now and then!

Especially if the New Jersey Department of Child Welfare is hounding your ass. Or when, upon your return, you end up in some hobbit hole in Uruguay with your mother.

Or, perhaps, if it’s because you’ve been spending lots of time with a hottie.

Alas, hotties aren’t everything. (You heard Miss Cybil right!) So more, soon… I swear, Gladys! Don’t you just hate these cliffhangers!?!?!?