Buenos Aires on the cheap!

Lois! After a few months in this “Argentina” place, I think I finally have a few good recommendations for when you and Stan finally get your ass down here.

1. Buy fewer things. I know this sounds dumb, but it’s true! For example, instead of just buying your plasma TV down here, you can bring it down! Apparently, some of the ‘taxes’ for outside things are a little high. I think it might have something with gas prices and pay for pilots.
Photo credit: a group of angels.

So a PowerBook will set you back $6,000 pesos! Which is $2,000!! (And apparently if you’re making pesos, it feels like $6,000. Go figure.)

2. Ignore the real price what you’re really paying. Just focus on that whole ‘I can divide by three!’ bit and you’ll be okay. Just keep telling yourself: it’s a third cheaper than in the states! Don’t look at the 11 peso price tag on your brick of mozzarella. Actually paying attention to the shocking inflation–and imagining what your life would be like if you made pesos–isn’t going to help anyone. I mean, what you can do?

3. Stay with a new friend! Making new friends online is also a great way to ensure that the party never stops.

An example of how the party can keep going, ad infinitum. Photo credit: God.

4. Make your money in a currency that’s not pesos.

5. Stay home. Have someone read this to you, and close your eyes. Envision a mythical place inhabited by Borges where everyone dances tango, maté, and malbec called “Buenos Aires.” People are good looking, and the water goes down the other way when you flush the toilet. I think it’s counterclockwise. July is actually summer. Open your eyes.

Cheap way to travel, eh??

Any time of the day is a good time for wine!

Miss Cybil’s a little behind in her blogging–but she’s not a little behind in her drinking!

Two motherfuckers got in my way right as I snapped this bad-ass picture. Photo credit: someone with a camera.

To combat the existential dread that inevitably comes with feeling that your life is spiraling out of control, Miss Cybil has a few things that make her feel better.

1.) Comparing herself to others.

2.) Comparing herself to others.
Dr Steve Brule Wine Tasting on FunnyOrDie.com

3.) Going to Mendoza! (See above.)

4.) Drinking! Or the beach! (Tie.)

5.) Having your boyfriend take you on vacation to Iguazú Falls!

Things Miss Cybil misses about America

Hey, all of you chic kids! I know I’ve been away for a bit, but… well, what can I say? Sometimes, I miss America. For one, the delicacies are recognizable, the palates are well-formed, even amongst the local youth.

Photo credit: a sick bastard who let someone else force-feed this helpless kid into oblivion.

I mean, a culture that knows the meaning of the words patience, tolerance, and moderation has a lot to teach, and give, the world at large. And I’m just not getting this sort of lesson in Argentina.

A “friend” of mine recently came out with a book. And finally, a reviewer got it right. It was like PJ O’Rourke knew the kid! Or some kid. Maybe even this one:

Photo credit: luckiest bastard alive.

Forget her camera? Miss Cybil did that!

Kids, take note: Miss Cybil does not forget things. True, she may forget the occasional holiday, birthday, or that time she “was supposed to pick her son up after surgery” (always with the club foot, Sal!), but generally speaking, her mouth is like a cave. Her brain’s like a trap door. Or something.

At least, she doesn’t forget her camera. But there are times when she just can’t take a photo, per se. And some times, these are the best times. Like the last week. I can’t show you a photo of:

1. The taste of eating an empanada after having an affair with a priest. (Hey, he wanted it!)

2. The cool lashing of a breeze off of a lakeside…. somewhere.

3. The joy of playing bingo on the bus while sitting next to a lady who just may want the first prize (a bottle of Vino) almost as much as you. And the ensuing attempt to have the winner disqualified, because let’s face it, did he really look older than 15? I don’t think so.

4. Patagonian sunsets that seem to last all day, stretch further than the horizon itself, and introduce a new color each day.

5. Seeing The Bourne Ultimatum on the big screen, with not one but two kids from Boston!

6. Taking a cab ride around the city at night. Just for the hell of it.

7. Finding a new apartment! Okay, I’m lying, I did take a photo of my little outdoor area:

Not shown: a really hot, shirtless guy who was right around the corner, ready to give me “breakfast in bed.” Hey–I’m divorced, Jimmy, give me a break. And you know what? I do pilates. Granted, not as much since I’ve fallen in love with the empanada stand nearby, but enough so that I deserve a little breakfast in bed, you know what I mean? Photo credit: Cybil Blaine.

P.S. What I’m trying to say is that I was unk-dray for about a week and am only now coming out of what my landlady so lovingly referred to as an “American coma.” God bless those Mexicans!