Gladys, Judy, and whoever else is reading this (Voldemort, I swear to god if you’re reading this, I’m going to get you someday), I made it!!
I knew it was going to be special when I got onto Delta Flight 101, from Atlanta to Buenos Aires. Atlanta’s airport had this whole section on Martin Luther King, Jr., and if that just wasn’t eye-opening! I thought, “Cybil Blaine doesn’t really do civil rights.” But then I thought, I’m starting a new life in South America—why not get into the whole “black people” bit? And you know what? Fascinating stuff!
Delta served us some local Argentine cuisine: spinach ravioli and a salad with Thousand Island dressing. Cybil Blaine did not realize that Thousand Island dressing was from South America. You know what? You live and you learn. That’s my new motto.
Yadda yadda, that nun totally had it coming, and a few hours later, I’m getting my stuff at the luggage carousel! What a world!!! They had a place where you could change your money for “PESOS.” They look like dollar bills, but are really funny. And Jimmy, my lawyer, says that PESOS go longer than dollars, because they’re so poor down here! And can I tell you something? Some of these Argentines and Mexicans down here ain’t so bad looking! And the roads are paved and everything. Hear that, mom? You owe me a drink!
But fortunately, the cab driver didn’t try anything funny on the way to my room at the hotel. You know where Tina (my travel agent, God bless her!) put me? The Howard Johnson. I think they have that in America, so I will say this: the HoJo? Not authentic Argentina.
Cybil Blaine is a fabulous divorcée who knows authentic, and honey, it ain’t the HoJo. But for now, when Cybil Blaine is tired—but single, and fabulous!—she’s just going to order a Mai Tai and call it a night!
