So as of this Thursday, I’m a free woman! It’s nice to know that although we live in a world where crack babies are born every five seconds (my friend Liza told me this and she never lies, mind you), we also live in a world where some judges know when marriages are over. According to the good state of New Jersey:
1. If I want any money, I have to stay fifty feet away from him. What’s-his-face, the ex. Oh, for the love of God, can I just call him Voldemort, already? Wait a second, Jimmy’s calling, he’s my lawyer. Jimmy, I’ve known since grade school. (Should have boned him when I had the chance!)
2. Okay, so apparently it’s not just fifty feet away. It’s a little further. Jimmy says I should just camp out in South America until we get this straightened out. As a bonus, he says my “alimony” will be okay there. I’ll get back to you on this. But until then, repeat after me: thank you, Judge Milner!
Mai Tais on the house, ladies!! (Except for Gladys, because you give her two of anything and she starts going to town. I’ve held her hair back more times than I care to remember, and tonight is my night!)
See you at the Fancy Feet Bowling Alley for 2-4-1 Karaoke night, ladies!
